if tumblr university was a thing i wouldn’t hesitate to set it on fire
GASTUNK - HUSK
Albertsons owner buys Safeway fir $9,200,000,000…but more importantly, what will we do when the legions of frozen communist monkey-naughts orbiting earth finally return unleashing their sinister brand of socialist ape-terrorism on americas heartland? Imagine the streets of Canton covered in banana peels & the bodies of patriots who slipped to their deaths trying to fight back the hordes of soldier simian psychopaths unleashing the wrath of their mole/co-conspirators from americas zoos like the zebras peoples militias or the mutant outcasts of the equines…the vicious girraff brigades. Im begging you as an american that loves his freedum to please join the campaigne to rid amerika of bananas so when the monkey-naughts return we hav the advantage of having already cut off their food supply. Scientists with the Army Biologicial Warfare Laboratories at Fort Detrich hav developed a virus that destroys the “banana” portion of apes brains making it impossible for them to peel bananas…USA!!!
Lawyer 1: Nurse reported that he had a detachable penis.
Lawyer 2: He doesn’t have a penis?
Lawyer 1: He does. The detachable one was to fake a urine drug test.
Lawyer 2: How did they find out?
Lawyer 1: It was the wrong colour and the nurse said she remembered him not being that big.
today i heard 2 kids talking about buying fake IDs after school and so i started eavesdropping cuz u know thats big kid stuff and then one was like “yeah but is all this really worth it like im pretty sure the fake IDs cost more than the fish we r gonna buy”
to buy fish at petco u have to be 18 or older
they were going to get fakes to buy fish
am i fucking done being sick yet
rock n roll goodnight